Bed Bread

I’ve been trying to bake the perfect loaf of bread for a long time. After a heated argument with a friend, I was challenged to bake something "edible." My petty self did not take that lightly. Determined to prove a point, I set out on a mission to become the best baker.

After a few trials, I finally cracked the recipe—consistent, repeatable, and yielding great results. But mastering a simple white sandwich bread wouldn’t make me the best, would it? No, I had to go further. So, I dove into the world of bread-making, tackling sourdough, focaccia, brioche, bagels, baguettes, and more. Soon, I no longer needed multiple attempts. One try was all it took to perfect any new bread.

Word of my talent spread quickly, and before long, I had made a name for myself in the baking community. Then, one day, I received an intriguing message from a Frenchman. He asked if I would be willing to attempt a world record—the largest loaf of bread ever baked.

After some deliberation, I accepted the challenge. Guinness officials arrived at my makeshift bakery, where I had constructed a massive oven for the occasion. The standing record? A loaf measuring six feet long, four feet wide, and one foot tall. My attempt? Twelve feet long, eight feet wide, and four feet tall.

It had to be the biggest.

The day of the record attempt arrived, and anticipation filled the air. Cameras flashed, reporters gathered, and a crowd murmured in excitement. The aroma of freshly baked bread wafted through the massive oven’s opening as the final moments approached.

Reporter: Good evening, everyone! We are live here at the Tamarind bakery, and history is about to be made! Before us, a truly colossal creation – a loaf of bread that defies all expectations. Only weeks ago Mr. Simhan announced that he would be attempting to break this record and has worked tirelessly, pouring his passion and expertise into this monumental project. And now, the moment of truth has arrived!

(Camera zooms in on the judges, who are exchanging nods and preparing to slice. The crowd holds its breath.)

Reporter: The tension is palpable! The judges, representing the esteemed Guinness World Records, are about to begin the official slicing. Remember, it's not just about being big; it has to be good all the way through, edible bread!

(The judges, with coordinated effort, begin to slowly and steadily slice horizontally through the gigantic loaf. The crowd gasps and murmurs.)

Reporter: Look... at that! The sheer scale is breathtaking! The aroma… oh, the aroma! It's filling the entire area, a warm, comforting scent of freshly baked bread. The slice is going through cleanly, a testament to his skill. This is a moment we won't soon forget!

(The judges complete the slice, revealing the interior of the loaf. They examine the texture, color, and crumb.)

Reporter: The slicing is done, now they're examining the crumb, the texture, the overall quality. What verdict will they deliver?"

(A judge steps forward, holding a microphone. The crowd falls silent. The judge takes a look around and nods his approval. The crowd erupts in cheers and applause. Confetti rains down.)

Reporter: And he's done it! Ladies and gentlemen -- you have witnessed history in the making What an incredible achievement! This is a moment of pure culinary triumph! Mr. Simhan has broken the record for making THE BIGGEST loaf of BED!

(Crowd goes silent for a moment, then murmurs start, a ripple of confusion spreading through them. Some people look at each other, eyebrows raised. A few scattered coughs break the uneasy silence. "Did he say BED?" "Why did he say bed?" "What happens now?")

Cut to me and my friends all getting into the bread bed. Now this loaf, was a masterpiece of baking, a perfectly formed dome of golden-brown crust. The aroma was intoxicating, a blend of sweet yeast, toasted grains, and a subtle tang that hinted at patient fermentation. A gentle tap revealed a hollow sound, promising a light and airy interior. The scent alone conjured images of melting butter and cozy kitchens.

We sunk into this loaf as if it were the most luxurious bed. The firm crust gave slightly under our weight, a gentle welcome. The amplified aroma enveloped us in a comforting cloud, lulling us into relaxation. The soft, pillowy crumb cradled us, each gentle rise and fall a miniature hug. The warmth radiating from the fresh bread seeped into our bones, melting away tension. It was a sensory haven, a place where worries dissolved like butter on a warm slice. We drifted off to sleep, enveloped in the essence of freshly baked bread, dreaming of simple, wholesome goodness for 5 straight days.